I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
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My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
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I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize