My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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