when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
