I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize