new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
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Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
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I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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