Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
tell me about the fingering
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