dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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