She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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