Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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