We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
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she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
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I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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