was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
