Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
