you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
