pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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