Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
