my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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