dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
