she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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