I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
