my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize