I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
