I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
