We won't sleep together?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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