I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
