You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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