and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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