You're my little dorito
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
