So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
