You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
