some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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