If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
