paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i think i have two assholes
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
