My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
