Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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