I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
