i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
