Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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