I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
