what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
