Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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