gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
