You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
