We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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