you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
