PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
