Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
