So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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