dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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