Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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