i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
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you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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