I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Randomize
