there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize