Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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