seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
