O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
