i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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