Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
