...so i touched it.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
