So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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