Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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