so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
