Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
