If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
