i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
