i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
