did you get engaged???
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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