names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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