I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
